My Story
Another day, another morning. Walking through the passageway.
My mind drifts off again, externally I may be seen as a figure made of clay.
I blame myself for many reasons, blame myself that I'm still feeling alone,
it feels like everybody looks through me, only see skull and backbone.
I'm wondering if there's anyone who's like a mirror,
catch up my reflection, see me clearer.
A soulmate is my deepest urge,
my sanity's sometimes on its verge.
Walking through crowds, pass many beings,
didn't approach on life yet, that are my feelings.
At work I meet some folk - chatter and laugh,
but still that feeling. It's not enough.
Sometimes people appear, I feel awkwardly comfy,
I ask myself if it's really what I want or I only want a buddy.
Share my passions with someone nice I need a lot,
but with co-workers I must not.
Bad memories influenced my decisions.
During school times there was no permanent friend, only visions.
Fellow pupils only know how to mistreat,
later someone I loved know how to cheat.
Every day I learn that I'm unique and how to be strong,
I didn't done anything or am I wrong?
I like that feeling, so much I want to share,
there's still the thing to find someone to care.
Being called ugly, cheap and smelly concerned me a lot,
earlier when I began writing diaries I noted all quots.
You probably already guessed right, I was bullied,
even though I was dumb enough for them doing good deeds.
Honestly, I don't want to reminisce,
all the stages I eventually achieved are not amiss.
The time I apprenticed, made my studies and strangely some friends.
Actually that part can be skipped, after three years there was already an end.
At least separate positive memories still remain,
alike having first friends and a guy you'd have a crush on but later went to Spain.
Ay ay, that was crazy and stupid the same time,
I never directly confessed but later learnt a reason why.
My third paid job was weird, so I remember,
a small group of new starters with all that strange members.
I don't know how, I don't know why but somehow it worked out,
found a good buddy to have lot of things to talk about.
Labour was crazy, still survived 2 years though,
I had my reasons and continued wearing my chapeau.
Once upon a time there something attracted my eye,
out of nowhere, 5 years later, that feeling came back, oh why!
Commenced with a meeting, get to know the team,
we discussed several things and when he spoke it felt like a dream.
Months later the company moved and I felt lucky when I sat next to him,
we started talking, made jokes. It still makes me grin.
Months passed and we got along so good,
time together felt great and eventually I considered that I should.
On coincidence it happened that we’d feel the same.
When distance grew larger that boys’ attitude went lame.
Texting was the only way to reach him, answers were rare.
After discovering the truth I felt exposed, almost my mind bare.
I should have known better from the moment it began,
promises were made but never became real. Lousy man…
I cried and felt depressed, it hold on for several days and weeks,
my thoughts fell for dating online cause I felt socially weak.
Had some dates though but nothing really went well,
only one I came closer with but for him I was only a bombshell.
What is real love? What are emotions?
Felt like I was only put in any positions.
It had to end, finally take care of my personal self.
Cut it off and start to love myself.
If you had treated me better… If you had open yourself to me,
it wouldn’t had to end like this. I wonder if a change would have set me free.
I cannot understand that world, how can you so easily fall in love?
My wish is to feel safe and having fun. I always need a proof.
I shall give up and more important things.
Let’s see what the coincidence brings!
I’ll focus on what happens now,
build on my abilities, take care of myself. That’s my vow!
verfasst: 24.01. - 26.01.2018
Genießt die freien Tage, die uns die Oster-Feiertage bringen und viel Spaß beim Ostereiersuchen und jeglichen weiteren Traditionen. 😁🐇
~Mandy
My mind drifts off again, externally I may be seen as a figure made of clay.
I blame myself for many reasons, blame myself that I'm still feeling alone,
it feels like everybody looks through me, only see skull and backbone.
I'm wondering if there's anyone who's like a mirror,
catch up my reflection, see me clearer.
A soulmate is my deepest urge,
my sanity's sometimes on its verge.
Walking through crowds, pass many beings,
didn't approach on life yet, that are my feelings.
At work I meet some folk - chatter and laugh,
but still that feeling. It's not enough.
Sometimes people appear, I feel awkwardly comfy,
I ask myself if it's really what I want or I only want a buddy.
Share my passions with someone nice I need a lot,
but with co-workers I must not.
Bad memories influenced my decisions.
During school times there was no permanent friend, only visions.
Fellow pupils only know how to mistreat,
later someone I loved know how to cheat.
Every day I learn that I'm unique and how to be strong,
I didn't done anything or am I wrong?
I like that feeling, so much I want to share,
there's still the thing to find someone to care.
Being called ugly, cheap and smelly concerned me a lot,
earlier when I began writing diaries I noted all quots.
You probably already guessed right, I was bullied,
even though I was dumb enough for them doing good deeds.
Honestly, I don't want to reminisce,
all the stages I eventually achieved are not amiss.
The time I apprenticed, made my studies and strangely some friends.
Actually that part can be skipped, after three years there was already an end.
At least separate positive memories still remain,
alike having first friends and a guy you'd have a crush on but later went to Spain.
Ay ay, that was crazy and stupid the same time,
I never directly confessed but later learnt a reason why.
My third paid job was weird, so I remember,
a small group of new starters with all that strange members.
I don't know how, I don't know why but somehow it worked out,
found a good buddy to have lot of things to talk about.
Labour was crazy, still survived 2 years though,
I had my reasons and continued wearing my chapeau.
Once upon a time there something attracted my eye,
out of nowhere, 5 years later, that feeling came back, oh why!
Commenced with a meeting, get to know the team,
we discussed several things and when he spoke it felt like a dream.
Months later the company moved and I felt lucky when I sat next to him,
we started talking, made jokes. It still makes me grin.
Months passed and we got along so good,
time together felt great and eventually I considered that I should.
On coincidence it happened that we’d feel the same.
When distance grew larger that boys’ attitude went lame.
Texting was the only way to reach him, answers were rare.
After discovering the truth I felt exposed, almost my mind bare.
I should have known better from the moment it began,
promises were made but never became real. Lousy man…
I cried and felt depressed, it hold on for several days and weeks,
my thoughts fell for dating online cause I felt socially weak.
Had some dates though but nothing really went well,
only one I came closer with but for him I was only a bombshell.
What is real love? What are emotions?
Felt like I was only put in any positions.
It had to end, finally take care of my personal self.
Cut it off and start to love myself.
If you had treated me better… If you had open yourself to me,
it wouldn’t had to end like this. I wonder if a change would have set me free.
I cannot understand that world, how can you so easily fall in love?
My wish is to feel safe and having fun. I always need a proof.
I shall give up and more important things.
Let’s see what the coincidence brings!
I’ll focus on what happens now,
build on my abilities, take care of myself. That’s my vow!
verfasst: 24.01. - 26.01.2018
Genießt die freien Tage, die uns die Oster-Feiertage bringen und viel Spaß beim Ostereiersuchen und jeglichen weiteren Traditionen. 😁🐇
~Mandy
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